Be Kind To Yourself

So often, my friends say things like, “I just never feel good anymore,” or “I’m always tired,” or “I never have any free time.” My questions for them are, “What do you do to take care of yourself?” “Are you kind to yourself?” “What do you do that is for you and you alone?” Unfortunately, the answer is usually something like, “I don’t have time to be kind to myself,” or “I have too much to do to take time for myself.”

I understand completely. It is difficult to find any extra time, and when we do, we feel like we should be doing things like cleaning, ironing, and all the other fun things that go with being a responsible adult. Between the spouse, the kids, the job, the housework, cooking, laundry – I could go on and on – we do well just to make it to work each day in clean clothes!

Through the years, though, I have realized that if something is truly important to me, I will find the time for it. So, if I am important to myself, I will make time to be kind to myself.

So, to be kind to yourself, make yourself a priority. An added incentive to this, besides how much better you will feel, is that your life will become smoother and calmer. Your family will like being with you more, and you’ll do a better job at work. This is because you will feel better, not so pressured and hurried all the time. In learning how to be kind to yourself, you will learn to relax, and everyone likes a relaxed person more than a chaos-driven maniac!

The next time you feel like going shopping or to the movie or out to dinner alone, do it! If you want to sit outside and read or watch the birds for an hour, go on out! Listen to that inner voice that is telling you that it is time to be kind to yourself.

I know that this sounds difficult, and it took me years to learn to do it. I learned it the hard way, which I think may be the only way I can learn anything. I had a wonderful doctor who tried to tell me to be good to myself and take time for myself and get more rest when I was in my twenties. He reminded me that I spent a certain amount of time at work and a certain amount taking care of my spouse and children and household. Then he asked me what amount I spent being kind to myself. My answer was a definitive “zero” because there was no time left over after taking care of everyone else. He bluntly told me that I better find a way to take care of myself or face a nervous breakdown. This frightened me enough that I did start insisting on some “me time,” and I was diligent about it for a few months. Then I got right back into my old self-sacrificing rut and wallowed there for a few more years.

One day I found myself in such a state of depression that all I could do was cry. I realized, with the help of a therapist, that there were many things in my life that had to change, and 99% of them had to do with me. I made a list and got started. (I make lists for everything!) At the top of my list was that I had to start being good to myself. And I did. Progress was slow at first because it was a completely new behavior for me. But I learned quickly, and I believe that everyone in my life has benefited by the change because I’m happier, easier to live with, and I am no longer a self-sacrificing martyr. I am kind to me, and as a result, kinder to others.