Humor: Being from Texas

One of the most amusing things about being from Texas is the impression that people from other areas have of our way of life. When we meet people from other countries, and even from other states sometimes, they ask us questions like:

How many oilwells do you own?
Where are your cowboy hat and boots?
How big is your ranch and how many cattle do you own?
How many horses do you have?

I live in a town that boasts a population over 200,000, and to set the record straight, I must admit that I've never even visited a ranch, much less owned one. I've never owned a pair of cowboy boots or a hat. I don't like to think about cattle. I prefer to believe that meat just magically appears in the grocery store nicely packaged in plastic wrap. I have no desire to know the process of how it is readied for consumption. The last time I rode a horse was on an organized trail ride while vacationing in Red River, NM. Two other adults had to help me get on and off of it, and I spent the next two days convinced that I was near death because I was in so much pain.

This impression that people have of life in Texas makes me laugh out loud. Yes, Texas has a bigger sky, more stars, and the moon is brighter here. But the last time I slept under those stars, I nearly killed my husband for his brilliant idea to go camping, and the next morning we hauled ass to the nearest hotel. He would have preferred to continue camping, but he couldn't stand my whining for another minute. Not really the outdoorsy type, I'm happy when I have a nice warm room with hot and cold running water, a soft mattress, a mini-fridge for my Dr. Pepper, and restaurants within walking distance. That's what I call camping!