Friendships

There are basically two types of difficult friendships, the ones you should hold on to and the ones you should let go. The first type are the friends that are simply going through a rough patch and need extra support, but they will happily give extra support to you when you need it. The ones to let go are the ones that do not give back and never will. Their lives are never-ending drama pits, and they will suck the life right out of you if you let them. Friendship with them is never a two-way street.

The following is an example of what happens with a friend who is going through a rough time and consequently being difficult: She calls you every day to discuss her problems, and although you are very careful not to give advice, you do share some things that have helped you in similar situations. Your friend seems to have a reason why everything that you share just wouldn’t work in her situation. She is cranky and needy, and nothing makes her happy. Sadly, some people need to remain in the negativity for a little while before they can muster up the courage to change it. Their misery is familiar to them, and change is frightening. I know this because I was one of those people for a while, one of those difficult friends.

Fortunately, my friends were patient and understanding, and never gave up on me. My situation improved, and I have been able to give the same kind of support to others since then. So, the next time you are in a situation where a friend is listing her grievances with life, go ahead and make those suggestions and tell her things that helped you if you have had a similar problem. Just don’t give up on her. At some point, she will hear you and get moving in the right direction.

The next example is what happens with the difficult friends who take, and take, then take some more: I have recently been hearing these friendships referred to as “toxic,” and that is a perfect description. These people are not just needy while they are going through a rough time, and they will not give you extra support when you need it. They are what I call crisis junkies and are not satisfied unless their life is in turmoil. No one else’s problems are important to them, as they are too self-absorbed to realize that they are not the center of the universe. They will call at all hours of the day and night expecting friends to be there for them, but they will never have the emotional fortitude to return the favor.

I understand that this sounds harsh, but if you have had friends like this, you know the impact that their behavior can have. They wear you out both emotionally and physically. And, the worst part is, you don’t receive friendship in return.