Mother/Daughter Relationships

Mothers and daughters go through phases in their relationship where at times, they are the best of friends, and at other times, they can’t agree on a single issue.

I remember that when I was young, my mother was my best friend. She was my source of comfort and well being, and she always knew exactly how to make me feel better. She was also my biggest fan and encouraged me in everything I attempted. She never talked down to me, and I sought her advice on many topics. She was, in my eyes, the smartest woman that ever lived. She had all the qualities of a best friend.

A few years later, though, when I reached the age of 16-17, my attitude changed. Of course I still loved my mom, but I no longer felt like sharing everything with her, and I didn’t agree with her all the time like I had when I was younger. And for the next 2-3 years, she was the “mom.” In retrospect, I know that there were times during that period that I would see a glimpse of our old relationship. We would still occasionally have talks like before, and laugh about things, but not as often. I didn’t even realize that this change was taking place at the time. I just knew that I had my friends from school that I discussed everything with now.

Looking back, I understand that this was just part of the process of me becoming who I am, growing toward adulthood. My mother, in her wisdom, knew what was happening, and she had the courage and the grace to stand back and allow it. I cannot imagine how difficult that must have been.

By the time I reached the age of 20, my mother was my best friend again. She really always was, I just didn’t get it! I talked to her nearly every day, sought her advice on matters with my children, problems at work, and any number of life’s daily problems. She was very wise, and almost always had a good idea to share with me.

Unfortunately, she died at a young age, and I lost my mom/best friend when I was 29 years old. Over 20 years have passed, and sometimes I still catch myself thinking that I need to call her when something important happens. I guess that’s how it is with really true friends – you never become accustomed to not talking to them.

The great thing, though, is that when you have a friend like that, they are always with you in a way -- a part of them lives on in the people that they loved. I can still hear many of the things my mom, my best friend, shared with me, and I’ll treasure that forever.