Contrary to what the media and the cosmetics industry would have us believe, we are so much more than our appearance. It is impossible to watch television, surf the Internet, or thumb through a magazine without being bombarded with reminders of our physical flaws and how to correct them. The cosmetics industry spends millions of dollars every year telling us how to get rid of wrinkles, age spots, under eye circles, and blemishes. All we have to do is buy their very expensive products, use them for four to six weeks, and voila, we'll look ten years younger! It would be laughable if it weren't so sad.
The ads do not encourage us, as they should, to look for things that we like about our appearance. Maybe we have long eyelashes, beautifully shaped lips, shiny hair, or lovely bright eyes, but unfortunately, we are encouraged only to look for the worst. They never say that we should be grateful for the things that are beautiful. And yes, there is beauty in all of us. The ads certainly never urge us to look for the beauty inside because the cosmetics industry's financial well-being hinges on us only looking at the outside and trying to correct everything that isn't perfect.
In addition, we are usually encouraged to pay more attention to the way we look than to the way we feel. The ad copy for weight loss programs, for example, teaches us that the best reason to lose those extra pounds is that bikini season is coming. In reality, of course, losing weight is important for many more reasons than bikini season, with better health topping the list.
What we should be thinking about is feeling good about ourselves just as we are because the better we feel about who we are, the better we treat ourselves. In turn, we begin to make healthier decisions. We often don't understand the relationship between the way we look and the way we feel. But the truth is that when we feel good and begin to love and accept ourselves the way we are now, not wait until we lose ten pounds or get a makeover, we automatically become more attractive. We smile more, our eyes sparkle, and we exude confidence.
It is empowering to walk into a room knowing that we look our best. And our best is what we should aspire to, not some magazine publisher's idea of what makes a person beautiful. Beauty comes in many different sizes, shapes, and colors, and it has nothing to do with height, weight, expensive clothing, or ridiculously priced cosmetics.
Certainly there is nothing wrong with wanting to improve ourselves, but the joy comes in accepting in loving ourselves exactly as we are today, at this very moment.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Monday, May 5, 2008
Letting Go of the Past
“Make peace with your past or it will mess up all of your todays.” Anonymous
The past can be hard to deal with sometimes. We often feel deep regret for things we said or did, or maybe we aren’t exactly proud of the kind of person we were. Or, maybe there is pain or anger for something that was done to us, something that we didn’t cause, but we are weighed down by it nonetheless.
Whatever there is in our past that is hindering our happiness today must be dealt with, and there is really only one way to accomplish that. We have to do just that, deal with it and put it behind us. We may choose to use prayer, meditation, spiritual principles, positive self-talk, confrontation, therapy, or a combination of any or all of these. Prayer, spiritual principles, and meditation can help us learn how to forgive ourselves and others. Confronting someone that caused us pain can provide closure and strength. Therapy can help us identify and guide us through all of the emotions that are uncovered.
No matter how we choose to do it, we must be willing to give it all of the time and energy that is required. If we do not confront these issues openly and completely, they will continue to grow, and then we run the risk of holding on to a painful past so long that it makes our lives miserable forever.
Sadly, we have all met people that hold on to all their past mistakes and hurts. They have become hard-hearted and hateful. The pain actually shows in their eyes, and it can be heard in their harsh words. No one has to become this kind of sad, miserable person when all it takes is some hard work and willingness to prevent it from happening. It can be painful to be sure, but it is definitely worth it to make peace with the past so that we can live and enjoy the rest of our todays. After all, no one knows how many more todays there will be, so let’s do our best not waste any more!
The past can be hard to deal with sometimes. We often feel deep regret for things we said or did, or maybe we aren’t exactly proud of the kind of person we were. Or, maybe there is pain or anger for something that was done to us, something that we didn’t cause, but we are weighed down by it nonetheless.
Whatever there is in our past that is hindering our happiness today must be dealt with, and there is really only one way to accomplish that. We have to do just that, deal with it and put it behind us. We may choose to use prayer, meditation, spiritual principles, positive self-talk, confrontation, therapy, or a combination of any or all of these. Prayer, spiritual principles, and meditation can help us learn how to forgive ourselves and others. Confronting someone that caused us pain can provide closure and strength. Therapy can help us identify and guide us through all of the emotions that are uncovered.
No matter how we choose to do it, we must be willing to give it all of the time and energy that is required. If we do not confront these issues openly and completely, they will continue to grow, and then we run the risk of holding on to a painful past so long that it makes our lives miserable forever.
Sadly, we have all met people that hold on to all their past mistakes and hurts. They have become hard-hearted and hateful. The pain actually shows in their eyes, and it can be heard in their harsh words. No one has to become this kind of sad, miserable person when all it takes is some hard work and willingness to prevent it from happening. It can be painful to be sure, but it is definitely worth it to make peace with the past so that we can live and enjoy the rest of our todays. After all, no one knows how many more todays there will be, so let’s do our best not waste any more!
Learning To Say NO
It sounds so simple, just two letters, one tiny syllable, but it is one of the hardest words to say. Think about how many times you have wanted to say it but didn’t. Your head said NO, but your mouth said yes.
There are many reasons why we don’t say the word NO when we want to. We might be afraid that we will hurt someone’s feelings, so we sacrifice our own. Maybe we fear making someone angry, so we say yes and add more resentment to our already heavy baggage. Sometimes, we say yes out of habit. Many times, we say it because we feel bullied or pressured. Other times, we say it to avoid confrontation.
There are countless reasons why we agree to things that we don’t really want to do. But more important than figuring out why we do it is figuring out how to stop.
The following are simple, yet important things that we must learn so that we will be able to say NO when we want to:
Our time is just as important as everyone else’s.
We don’t have any more time than anyone else. Everyone has 24 hours/day, 7 days/week.
Other people’s responsibilities are not ours to take care of.
If someone gets angry because we say NO, that is not our problem.
Saying NO is healthier than piling up resentment.
If someone wants to challenge our right to say NO, we are free to walk away or stay and try to explain, whichever we choose.
Just because we had time to do someone a favor last week or last month doesn’t mean that we have the time, or the desire, to do it this time.
We must respect ourselves enough to do what feels right for us.
There is a difference in doing a favor for someone and letting someone take advantage of us.
The choice to say NO is ours. If we say yes when we really want to say NO, it’s our own fault.
There are many reasons why we don’t say the word NO when we want to. We might be afraid that we will hurt someone’s feelings, so we sacrifice our own. Maybe we fear making someone angry, so we say yes and add more resentment to our already heavy baggage. Sometimes, we say yes out of habit. Many times, we say it because we feel bullied or pressured. Other times, we say it to avoid confrontation.
There are countless reasons why we agree to things that we don’t really want to do. But more important than figuring out why we do it is figuring out how to stop.
The following are simple, yet important things that we must learn so that we will be able to say NO when we want to:
Our time is just as important as everyone else’s.
We don’t have any more time than anyone else. Everyone has 24 hours/day, 7 days/week.
Other people’s responsibilities are not ours to take care of.
If someone gets angry because we say NO, that is not our problem.
Saying NO is healthier than piling up resentment.
If someone wants to challenge our right to say NO, we are free to walk away or stay and try to explain, whichever we choose.
Just because we had time to do someone a favor last week or last month doesn’t mean that we have the time, or the desire, to do it this time.
We must respect ourselves enough to do what feels right for us.
There is a difference in doing a favor for someone and letting someone take advantage of us.
The choice to say NO is ours. If we say yes when we really want to say NO, it’s our own fault.
Clear the Clutter
My rule for keeping my home in order is:
“If it isn’t beautiful, sentimental, useful or doesn’t bring me joy, get rid of it.”
I am a person who cannot stand clutter. It gives me the feeling of being trapped and claustrophobic, not to mention all the extra cleaning time that it causes. It makes me crazy to have to look everywhere for a receipt or a book, etc. Looking for things is just not how I want to spend my time. I honestly can’t think as clearly when surrounded by useless clutter. My creativity is stifled, and I feel somehow out of tune when my house is in chaos.
But I have a sense of serenity and control when my surroundings are neat. The simple act of getting things in order, as mundane as it may seem, can be a relaxing, peaceful activity, probably because I know how much better I will feel when it is done!
To keep things orderly, I go through my house every three or four months and get rid of anything that does not meet my requirements. If it isn’t beautiful, sentimental, useful, or bring me joy, out it goes. When there are things that I am not sure about, they go to the attic for a while. If I don’t miss them, they get the boot the next time I clean the attic!
I understand that some people are simply born packrats. I know that their need to hold on to things is just as strong as my need to get rid of them. But I really believe that my requirements for what to keep cover everything that a person could possibly need.
Another plus is that I get the good, positive feeling that comes along with donating things to someone who needs them because I never throw away things that I think could be useful to another person. There are many organizations that will come and pick up the items, as well as charitable groups that I can deliver them to. Salvation Army, ARC, and Goodwill will pick up useable items such as clothing, household items, furniture, and appliances, and many churches have clothes closets for folks in need. I try to make sure that nothing goes to waste.
“If it isn’t beautiful, sentimental, useful or doesn’t bring me joy, get rid of it.”
I am a person who cannot stand clutter. It gives me the feeling of being trapped and claustrophobic, not to mention all the extra cleaning time that it causes. It makes me crazy to have to look everywhere for a receipt or a book, etc. Looking for things is just not how I want to spend my time. I honestly can’t think as clearly when surrounded by useless clutter. My creativity is stifled, and I feel somehow out of tune when my house is in chaos.
But I have a sense of serenity and control when my surroundings are neat. The simple act of getting things in order, as mundane as it may seem, can be a relaxing, peaceful activity, probably because I know how much better I will feel when it is done!
To keep things orderly, I go through my house every three or four months and get rid of anything that does not meet my requirements. If it isn’t beautiful, sentimental, useful, or bring me joy, out it goes. When there are things that I am not sure about, they go to the attic for a while. If I don’t miss them, they get the boot the next time I clean the attic!
I understand that some people are simply born packrats. I know that their need to hold on to things is just as strong as my need to get rid of them. But I really believe that my requirements for what to keep cover everything that a person could possibly need.
Another plus is that I get the good, positive feeling that comes along with donating things to someone who needs them because I never throw away things that I think could be useful to another person. There are many organizations that will come and pick up the items, as well as charitable groups that I can deliver them to. Salvation Army, ARC, and Goodwill will pick up useable items such as clothing, household items, furniture, and appliances, and many churches have clothes closets for folks in need. I try to make sure that nothing goes to waste.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Biography - Humphrey Bogart
Humphrey DeForest Bogart was born December 25, 1899. His father was Dr. Belmont DeForest Bogart, a surgeon. His mother was Maud Humphrey, a famous children's illustrator. He had two sisters, Kay who died at 34 from peritonitis and Frances Rose who had a breakdown during a difficult 27 hour childbirth. Both his parents were addicted to alcohol and morphine, and his mother, who made as much as $50,000/year doing illustrations of children for advertisements and magazines, was incapable of showing any affection. Consequently, Bogie's (nickname given to him by friend, Spencer Tracy) childhood was terribly unhappy.
Bogart was expelled from Andover in 1918 and joined the Naval Reserve. After his honorable discharge, he made his professional debut as a Japanese butler in a 1921 play in Brooklyn. He would go on to appear in over 20 Broadway productions during his early career and in eleven films between 1930 and 1934.
In 1934, he appeared in a hit play called, "The Petrified Forest" with Leslie Howard. He played the role of Duke Mantee, a ruthless, escaped killer. When Warner Brothers bought the rights to turn it into a film, they wanted Leslie Howard to reprise his role from the play, but they did not want Bogart. Howard refused to do the film unless Bogart was signed. The role won him a contract with Warner Brothers and an Oscar nomination for Best Supporting Actor. This 1936 film turned out to be his big break.
Bogie would battle with Warner Brothers about film and director choices until 1943 when he starred as the unforgettable Rick Blaine in "Casablanca."
The success of this film resulted in a new contract with Warner Brothers that would pay him $200,000 per film and give him the freedom to make decisions about roles.
During production of several of his movies in the forties, Bogart's personal problems caused problems on the set. At the time, he was married to Mayo Methot, and their relationship was reported to be volatile and violent. He had been married twice before, first to Helen Menken from 1926-1927, then to Mary Phillips from 1928-1937. In 1945, he finally found happiness when he divorced Methot and married Lauren Bacall. He and Bacall met and fell in love on the set of "To Have and Have Not," the film debut of the nineteen year old Bacall.
The marriage to Bacall produced two children. In 1945, Stephen Humphrey Bogart was born and named after Bogart's character in "To Have and Have Not" because it was the movie his parents were filming when they met. In 1952, Leslie Howard Bogart was born and named after Leslie Howard, Bogart's friend who had played such an important role in the advancement of Bogart's career.
In 1947, he formed Santana, his own production company. The company produced many films, some memorable, and some not. In 1954, Santana was sold to Columbia for one million dollars.Bogart's most memorable roles were those of Duke Mantee in "The Petrified Forest," Rick Blaine in "Casablanca," Fred C. Dobbs in "The Treasure of Sierra Madre," Charlie Allnut in "The African Queen," and Captain Queeg in "Caine Mutiny." His only Academy Award win was for "The African Queen," a great 1951 film made with Katharine Hepburn.
Humphrey Bogart died on January 14, 1957 after a battle with cancer. He was a legend while he lived, and now after more than fifty years since his death, he is not only still a legend, but he is larger than life. Many believe that he was the greatest actor to ever grace the screen, and I agree.
Bogart was expelled from Andover in 1918 and joined the Naval Reserve. After his honorable discharge, he made his professional debut as a Japanese butler in a 1921 play in Brooklyn. He would go on to appear in over 20 Broadway productions during his early career and in eleven films between 1930 and 1934.
In 1934, he appeared in a hit play called, "The Petrified Forest" with Leslie Howard. He played the role of Duke Mantee, a ruthless, escaped killer. When Warner Brothers bought the rights to turn it into a film, they wanted Leslie Howard to reprise his role from the play, but they did not want Bogart. Howard refused to do the film unless Bogart was signed. The role won him a contract with Warner Brothers and an Oscar nomination for Best Supporting Actor. This 1936 film turned out to be his big break.
Bogie would battle with Warner Brothers about film and director choices until 1943 when he starred as the unforgettable Rick Blaine in "Casablanca."
The success of this film resulted in a new contract with Warner Brothers that would pay him $200,000 per film and give him the freedom to make decisions about roles.
During production of several of his movies in the forties, Bogart's personal problems caused problems on the set. At the time, he was married to Mayo Methot, and their relationship was reported to be volatile and violent. He had been married twice before, first to Helen Menken from 1926-1927, then to Mary Phillips from 1928-1937. In 1945, he finally found happiness when he divorced Methot and married Lauren Bacall. He and Bacall met and fell in love on the set of "To Have and Have Not," the film debut of the nineteen year old Bacall.
The marriage to Bacall produced two children. In 1945, Stephen Humphrey Bogart was born and named after Bogart's character in "To Have and Have Not" because it was the movie his parents were filming when they met. In 1952, Leslie Howard Bogart was born and named after Leslie Howard, Bogart's friend who had played such an important role in the advancement of Bogart's career.
In 1947, he formed Santana, his own production company. The company produced many films, some memorable, and some not. In 1954, Santana was sold to Columbia for one million dollars.Bogart's most memorable roles were those of Duke Mantee in "The Petrified Forest," Rick Blaine in "Casablanca," Fred C. Dobbs in "The Treasure of Sierra Madre," Charlie Allnut in "The African Queen," and Captain Queeg in "Caine Mutiny." His only Academy Award win was for "The African Queen," a great 1951 film made with Katharine Hepburn.
Humphrey Bogart died on January 14, 1957 after a battle with cancer. He was a legend while he lived, and now after more than fifty years since his death, he is not only still a legend, but he is larger than life. Many believe that he was the greatest actor to ever grace the screen, and I agree.
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