Texas Weather

We have a saying in Texas that if you don't like the weather, just stick around a few minutes and it will change. I suspect that every state has this same saying. It is difficult, though, to imagine someone saying, for example, "If you don't like the weather in Delaware..." It just loses some of its bite, don't you think?

Anyway, as far as Texas weather goes, I've never really understood this saying. Could it mean, "If you don't like the 105 degree heat on this August afternoon, stick around until dark when it drops to 98 degrees? Yes, Texas summers are that brutal. At least three times each day during July and August, I make this observation, "This must be what hell feels like." You really can break a sweat going out to the front porch to get the mail!

Or maybe the change they refer to is the change from spring to summer when it goes from 92 degrees to 100 degrees. See, there really isn't much of a spring here. It basically goes straight from winter to hell. One day it's 60 degrees. The next day it's 95, and we don't see anything under 90 degrees again until about October.

And fall? Forget it. What most people think of as fall is winter in the part of Texas where I live. Our average winter high temperature is 55 degrees. Isn't this fall for everyone else? There are areas of Texas that do actually experience winter -- mostly West Texas. But the area in which I live basically experiences two seasons: summer and "kind of" winter.

Once in a great while, it gets cold enough to snow a little or ice over. These times are particularly amusing to people from the North. When we get 1 inch of snowfall in the Dallas area, life as we know it comes to a screeching halt. As soon as snow or ice is forecasted, there is a huge rush at the grocery stores. God forbid we get "snowed in" without an adequate supply of the essentials -- Dr. Pepper, Snickers, M&M's, popcorn, etc.

If the snow or ice actually does come, public and private schools close, along with many businesses, stores, and other establishments. I don't drive at all on these days. I sit at home and long for the days when it felt like hell.

For more on all things Texas, please visit http://www.texasspirit.net

We Speak Texan

Some say that Texas has a language of its own. I, however, say that Texans speak English with the hard edges removed. Our Texas drawl softens it up a bit. I admit that it sounds quite comical to some, but I don't understand what the big deal is. All regions have accents.

For example, my husband and I recently spent a week in Boston. Excuse me, I mean BAHSTON. While there, we drove our rental CAH to Concorde, excuse me, CONKERD. We saw the CHAHLES RIVAH, BAHSTON HAHBAH, and dined on LOBSTAH. It seems to me that the only time BAHSTONIANS pronounce the letter "r" is when it isn't really there. One lady I met was going to spend Thanksgiving in "TAMPAR, FLORIDAR."

I don't mean to pick on the lovely people of Boston. As I said, there are different accents in every region of the United States. The Texas accent is more of a "lilt" and sounds almost melodic. Texans can transform a single syllable into three with no effort. "Hey y'all, let's go," becomes "Haaaaaay y'aaalllll, let's goooooo." We can drag out all vowel sounds, especially the long ones forever and a day!Our long "i" sounds like a short "a" in many cases. When we order iced tea in a restaurant up North, they think we're asking for "assed" tea.

When we address a group, we use the word "y'all." Hello, it's a contraction of "you all." It seems so logical to me, and I have trouble understanding why others find it so amusing. To me, it is infinitely better than "yous guys" from our friends in New York or "you'ns" from people in the Midwest. And people make jokes about us? Maybe they should mind their own "bidness!"

For more on all things Texas, please visit http://www.texasspirit.net

Texas Music

Texas has its own brand of music, of course, no one would expect anything less. Texas music, sometimes called Texas country, or alternative country is a fast growing alternative to the cookie cutter music coming out of Nashville. Texas music displays a "take it or leave it" attitude. Texas singer/songwriters are sending a message to the powers that be in Nashville, and that message is, "Here is my music. I like it. My fans like it. It doesn't matter if you like it or not."

Texas singer/songwriters have very large fan bases and their live shows are electric. They are approachable, regular people who enjoy sharing their talent and their songs. Many represent themselves, and many are represented by small, independent labels. Their love of Texas is often a theme in their songs, and these songs are always popular with the fans.

Pat Green's Southbound 35, opens with "What the hell am I doin' up in Kansas City/I know damn well it ain't where I belong/Think I'll quit my job come 5:00 and find my lonely way back home/Well, my baby said just what are you tryin' to prove here, do you really want to leave me here all alone/I said I'm tired of staring at this ocean full of Yankees, I'd rather be in Texas on my own."

In What I Like About Texas, Jerry Jeff Walker says, "You ask me what I like about Texas/I tell you it's the wide open spaces/It's everything between the Sabine and the Rio Grande/It's the Llano Estacado/It's the Brazos and the Colorado/Spirit of the people down here who share this land."

Lyle Lovett, in That's Right You're Not From Texas, says, "You say you're not from Texas/Man as if I couldn't tell/You think you pull your boots on right and wear your hat so well/So pardon me my laughter cause I sure do understand/Even Moses got excited/When he saw the promised land."

In his song, The Great Divide, Jack Ingram shares, "They still listen to high school football/On the radio in West Texas/The lights still shine bright every Friday night/And you can drive 90 miles an hour/Down the highway straight through Cisco/The cops are at the ball game, it's gettin' tight/And the sky gets wider and wider/You disappear like the day/Into the great divide you fade away/It's another world all together/In the middle of God's country."

Kevin Fowler explains Texas pride well in 100% Texan. "Well, I love the sound of the rain on a tin roof/On a hot summer night/Love to hear those hound dogs barkin’/Howlin’ at the full moonlight/Love to see those fireflies buzzin’/Lightin’ up the southern sky/I’m hell-bent 100% Texan ‘till I die."

Pat Green's Songs About Texas says, "I sing songs about Texas/I sing them often as if she were some old lover I used to know/Wish I could follow them back to the homeland every time I hear one on my radio/Twin fiddles playing in my memory, my daddy sang the wonders of old cow town/Silver haired and he's still there under a sky so warm and fair/I tell you friends there's a song in every town/So sing me one more song about old San Antone/It seems like a dream now it was so long ago/And Jerry Jeff Walker can be just like a coat from the cold/Well I'm going home."

Pat Green describes his feelings for Texas in I Like Texas, "Well there's old dancehalls and little cafes/Where you can get a taste of the Lone Star State/Strap on your boots and have yourself a laugh or two/Well there's no line dancin' just straight romancin'/That hill country lore is what I fancy/Where streams run clear and Lord the skies they are so blue."

Ray Wylie Hubbard in Screw You, We're From Texas, bluntly lets everyone know how he feels "Now I love the USA/And the other states/Ahh, they're OK/Texas is the place I wanna be/And I don't care if I ever go to Delaware anyway/Cause we got Stubbs and Gruene Hall and Antone's and John T's Country Store/We've got Willie and Jacky Jack, Robert Earl, Pat, Cory, Charlie and me/And so many more/So screw you, we're from Texas/Screw you, we're from Texas/Screw you, we're from Texas/We're from Texas, screw you."

Steven Dale Jones & Phillip White in Texas, a song they wrote for George Strait, tell us, "There wouldn't be no Alamo/No Cowboys in the Super Bowl/No "Lonesome Dove", No "Yellow Rose"/If it wasn't for Texas/I wouldn't be a Willie fan/Nobody would swim the Rio Grand/I wouldn't be an American/If it wasn't for Texas."

For more on all things Texas, visit http://www.texasspirit.net/

Friends

If "friend" had to be defined in only one word, that word would have to be "gift." Friends are everything from our partners in crime to our safe place in a cold and frightening world. They give us their strength when we have none of our own, and they share their peace with us when we have only chaos. They have confidence in us when we have lost confidence in ourselves. True friends know when to talk and when to sit with us in silence, and they know when to simply listen and when to offer opinions. Often, they even know what we are thinking or feeling before we know ourselves.

Real friends are the ones that are there for us no matter how bad we feel or what terrible circumstances we may be experiencing. It is during the most difficult times that we find out who our true friends are. The casual friends become very scarce when the going gets tough. They claim to be busy with this or that, or they might not even answer our calls. But the good and true friends hold our hands while they walk through the hardships beside us.

Real friends are also there when times are good to share our triumphs and successes, and they are sincerely happy for us when we reach our goals. Unlike casual friends who are sometimes jealous or resentful of our good fortune, our real friends are proud of us and help us celebrate our achievements.

They are patient, kind, and understanding, and they function not only as our friends. They are also our sounding boards, and sometimes even our therapists. They listen to us and honestly share their observations and opinions. If we are being unreasonable, illogical, or borderline insane, they are not afraid to tell us. They are able to be honest and objective and realistic without losing their tactfulness.

There's no end to what a true friend will do. Many even possess a sort of sixth sense that tells them when we need them, and they show up at the door. But the most important characteristic of a true friend is that they love us unconditionally. They accept us flaws and all, and the world is a warmer place because of them.

"A true friend is someone who walks in when the rest of the world walks out." Walter Winchell

Things We Can Learn from Little Children

Dance every time you hear music.

Sing from your heart.

If you don’t like it, don’t eat it.

If you feel like screaming, let it rip.

Be honest and open about how you feel.

If something is yours, fight for it.

Wake up early so you don’t miss a thing.

If you fall down, get right back up.

Don’t walk when you can run.

Don’t give up too easily when someone tells you no.

Tell everyone how old you are and be proud of it.

Recognize the beauty in frogs.

When you are happy to see someone, run as fast as you can toward that person with your arms open.

Lose the inhibitions, and run naked through the house after your bath.

If you don’t want to do something, say no.

Find joy in the little things.

Get mad, then get over it.

Don’t be embarrassed to be yourself.

Share your candy with those who don’t have any.

If you are scared, call your mom or dad.

Allow yourself to be amazed.

So you got a little chocolate on your face, who cares?

Play like there is no tomorrow.

If someone offers to hold you while you cry, let them.

Don’t worry about whether your clothes match or not.

Play outside.

Don’t try to act happy when you’re not.

Believe that all things are possible.

If you like a movie, watch it as many times as you want.

Laugh from your gut.

Cry when you feel like it.

Be eager to learn.

Give in to sleep only when you can no longer keep your eyes open.

Accept everyone regardless of what kind of clothes they are wearing or what color their skin is.

Let yourself get excited.

Take a nap when you’re tired.

Pretend that you’re a princess.

Jump in water puddles.

Play in the rain.

Swing, slide, and play on the merry-go-round.

Don’t worry if your shoes are on the wrong feet.

Kiss the people you love on the lips. If you really love them, lick their face.

Give hugs generously.

Say hello to everyone you see.

Walk right up to people and ask them what their name is and tell them yours.

If you fall down, let someone kiss your boo-boo.

Go for a walk, pick up all the unusual rocks you see and put them in your pocket.

Don’t worry that people might laugh at you.

Let your imagination run wild.

Skip down the sidewalk.

Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t be a firefighter and an astronaut and a race car driver.

The Need To Be Right

“If you’re trying too hard to convince everyone around you that you’re right, you’re probably wrong.” Anonymous

There was a time when one of the most important things to me was being right all of the time. Even when I knew inside that I was wrong, I continued to indignantly argue that I was right. To feel good about myself, I needed to be right, to know just a little more, be just a little smarter than everyone else. Thinking about the amount of time and energy that I wasted on this insane behavior makes me a little sad, but I guess I had to go through it to be where I am now.

Happily, I am now at a point where I no longer have that obsessive need to be right in every argument or situation. I believe that the transformation came with a combination of age and acceptance. However it happened, I’m just glad that it did, and I’m not willing to spend any time trying to figure out exactly how or when or why. The important thing is that I enjoy freedom now that I didn’t even know existed before.

I have the freedom to simply say, “Oops, I messed up,” or “Sorry, I was wrong,” or “I don’t know.” And this freedom is one of the most wonderful things that ever happened to me. I am no longer on guard all the time, and I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted from my shoulders. There was just too much stress and worry associated with “being right” all the time. I understand and accept now that people are just that, people.

Feeling good about myself now means accepting myself for who and what I am, no more and no less. I don’t worry about what other people think of me, and I honestly don’t care who thinks I’m right and who thinks I’m wrong. It doesn’t matter to me if anyone else thinks I’m smart, and it’s liberating to admit that I’m not nearly as smart as I thought I was in my younger years. I am completely free to be me now, a human being who makes mistakes, is often wrong, and that is just fine with me!

Stupid Questions

It is true that where children are concerned there is no such thing as a stupid question. However, this rule does not apply to adults, and it is often hard to believe some of the idiotic questions that adults actually ask. And to make it worse, they are serious; they aren’t joking around.

What it means to ask a stupid question to me is asking one for which the answer is blatantly obvious. Sometimes, the person is simply oblivious. They are often smart and educated, just maybe lacking in the common sense department. For example, during a recent conversation with a friend, I mentioned that I had been to my Uncle Jim’s funeral the day before. She then asked me, “Oh, did he die?” It took every ounce of restraint I could muster not to say something like, “No, but he’s sick so we thought we would go ahead and bury him.”

In other situations, I think that stupid questions are a direct result of not listening. An example of this happened a few weeks ago when I called the cable company to find out why they had charged me eighty-eight dollars more than usual. I posed this question to the customer service representative who answered my call, and she replied with this question, “Would you like for me to check on that for you?” I couldn’t stop myself from answering, “No thanks, I just wanted to let you know that it will be my pleasure to send you eighty-eight dollars more than I owe.”

There are also times, though, when the question doesn’t really fit into the “oblivious” or the “not listening” categories. They simply defy explanation. Both of these examples happened while I was grocery shopping. First, I asked the manager where I could find the Del Monte brand green beans. He then asked, “Is that the brand you want?” I replied, “No, I just wanted to make sure that you knew where they were.”

The other grocery store incident happened when I was deciding which cheese to purchase. I saw a package that was two months past the sell by date. I took the package with me to the checkout counter and showed it to the checker. She asked me, “Do you want to buy it?’ I didn’t waste time on a reply.

One last example that defies explanation happened at my son’s school. I needed to pick him up early for an appointment. I went to the office and told the student worker my son’s name and that he had a dental appointment. She asked, “Do you want me to get him out of class?” I answered with a simple, “Yes, please.” But what I really wanted to say was, “No, I just wanted you to know that my family practices good dental hygiene.”

In this world where stupidity can be found on each and every corner, these questions can be annoying. But, I try to see it from a different perspective. They provide much needed comic relief in a world where everyone needs to laugh more.

The Loss of a Parent

At 51 years of age, I find myself in that awful position of having lost both parents. It doesn't matter how old you are when your parents die. You still feel like an orphan when they are both gone. My dad's death, being the most recent, is the one that I'm still working hard to deal with.
My mother died at age 53, so she has been gone for most of my adult life.

My dad was 75 years old when he died so I consider myself lucky to have had lots of time with him. He was the kind of man that everyone loved. He was smart, funny, and he loved life. He didn't give advice unless asked, minded his own business, and lived by the saying, "What goes around comes around." He had an unexplainable calming effect on me. I could be having the worst of days, some huge life catastrophe, or trouble with the kids and just talking to him on the phone could calm me down. He was not only my dad. He was my wonderful friend and a source of strength for me. I miss him more than I could ever find the words to express.

He was diagnosed with cancer eighteen months before he passed away. I knew something was wrong because he had been looking thin and pale. I think he knew, too, but maybe just didn't want to hear it. There was no hope of curing his cancer, but the oncologist felt that he could get him a little more time with chemotherapy. Thankfully, my dad consented to the treatments because it gave us a little more time with him. We knew that a time would come that the treatments wouldn't help anymore, and that happened about six weeks before he died.

There was a five week hospital stay, during which I never left him. I was very fortunate to have a wonderful husband who understood the importance of my being with him and also fortunate that I was not employed at the time. And even though my dad was so ill, and sometimes didn't even know I was there, I'll always cherish this time. It was probably the most difficult time of my life, but it was also very special. I needed to be with him, and be there for him, like he had been there for me all my life.

The healing has been a long, hard, painful road. There were days when I literally felt like screaming, and there were days when I cried for hours. These days don't come as often now, but they still occur occasionally.

Some of the things that have helped me through it are:

My relationship with God, lots of prayer and meditation

Allowing myself to lean on loved ones for support

Talking about my dad what I love about him, how bad I felt for him when he was ill, recounting funny stories about him, etc.

Writing poems and letters to him

Letting myself cry or feel sad when I need to

Honoring his memory by paying attention to things that were important to him for example, he loved to watch the birds in his back yard, so I put a feeder in my yard in his memory

Telling stories about him to his grandchildren so that his memory lasts forever

He always wanted to go to Alaska, so last spring, my husband and I took an Alaskan cruise. It sounds strange, but I almost felt like I was seeing it through his eyes.

Grief is one of the most difficult phases that we have to go through. The initial loss of a loved one is terrible, but as time goes by and life gets back to normal, we have to figure out how to live it without them. It's painful, and some days it seems like we'll never get better. But sooner or later we do, and the timetable is different for everyone. But a time will come when we will be able to think of the lost loved without sadness. The thoughts will make us smile with wonderful memories.

My description of how the healing works is: At first, it feels like there is a hole in your heart where that person used to be. As the healing progresses, the hole remains, but its rough edges seem to become smoother. There will always be a place for them in your heart, but it just won't hurt so much.

Tribute to My Dad

When Father's Day comes around this year, it will be almost two years since my dad passed away. I wrote the following thoughts the day after he died:

My dad was an extraordinary man. With patience and wisdom beyond belief, he shaped countless lives, the lives of not only his own kids and grandkids, but also the lives of his friends and their kids. He possessed a quiet and gentle, yet tough and influential spirit that few men have. He was respected and loved by people of all ages. He didn't demand that people respect him, it just came naturally because of the kind of man he was. There was something special about him that made people listen when he talked.

He wasn't a sophisticated man, but he had more dignity than anyone I've ever known; not formally educated, but smarter than most. He was genuine and without pretense. He was always the same person no matter who he was with or what the situation was. Being completely comfortable with himself, he didn't feel that he had to put on airs or pretend to be something that he wasn't just to please others.

He loved the outdoors and enjoyed fishing and hunting and rock collecting, and he taught me to appreciate nature. Every year we'd load up the car and go on 2-week summer vacations. He'd spend all year planning and saving for the trip. Any man with courage enough to take off for 2 weeks in the car with four females (my mom, my two sisters, and me) deserves a medal! He loved the Rocky Mountains, so no matter where we went, even if it was east, we came home through Colorado.

He had the patience of a saint, from helping with homework to playing catch and coaching softball teams and teaching my sisters and me to swim and ride bikes, he was always there for us. But even a dad with patience can get to where he's had enough from time to time. For those times, he had what we called "THE LOOK." He didn't have to yell or threaten; he just got that look in his eyes and we knew that it was time to straighten up.

He believed very strongly in the philosophy of "what goes around, comes around," and he lived by it every day. It's amazing how his words and lessons and advice still influence me. Every time I even think about doing or saying something I shouldn't, I hear his voice in my head saying, "Remember! What goes around comes around."

As a grandfather, he was the best! He spent hours with the grandkids, fishing, hunting arrowheads, and teaching them about nature. All the kids loved to spend time with him. He entertained them with stories about "Shaggamoos" (an animal he invented) which are odd-looking, red-eyed creatures that live in trees and can only be seen at night. When the kids were with him, the shaggamoo hunts would start at dark and always end with a couple being spotted in the trees.

My dad was also a wonderful and loyal friend. He had a reputation for always being there for his friends when they needed him.. Some of his friends and neighbors have told me stories about how he would miraculously show up during times of crisis as if he somehow knew that he was needed. And he was right about "what goes around comes around" because when he got sick, all the good that he did came back to him with his friends doing everything possible to help him.

I was fortunate to have him with me for almost 50 years. I learned many important and unforgettable lessons from him, and I loved him with all my heart. When he first passed away, my thoughts of him were of his illness, when he felt so bad. But in the last few months, I have gotten past most of that, and when I think of him, I see him working in his garden, or sitting at a slot machine, or hunting arrowheads on the shore of the lake, always with his pipe in his mouth and a gleam in his eye.

Achieving Inner Peace

Inner peace is something that we all strive for but few achieve. It's virtually impossible to feel a sense of peace and contentment in today's world. Everyone is in a hurry, and very few folks take the time to slow down and enjoy life. I call this living on autopilot. We are going through the motions, doing everything that needs to be done, but we are also missing the point. We are not here to simply go through the motions. We're here to learn, gain wisdom, help ourselves and others, and enjoy life.

Life is never a smooth journey. If it were, there would be no opportunities to learn and gain wisdom. There are problems to be solved, careers to be advanced, meals to cook, and laundry to be done. In addition to life's everyday obstacles, most of us have bigger situations to cope with. Many are caring for an elderly parent, going through financial difficulties, battling illness, caring for a child with special needs, and any number of other unique missions.

But when we find inner peace, we are able to gracefully navigate life's everyday problems as well as the larger ones. My definition of inner peace is "a feeling of contentment and calm that resides within." It cannot be destroyed by life's troubles. If we have inner peace, it doesn't mean that life will be easy, or that there will be no problems, it simply means that we will be able to cope easier with whatever life brings.

The things that have helped me find inner peace and calm are simple ideas, but not easy to practice. The more I practice, the easier it gets, though, and the better I feel.
Prayer/meditation. Never losing contact with my God is essential to my feeling calm and peaceful.

Forgive. Holding on to anger and resentment wastes valuable energy and only hurts me. The person I'm angry with has already moved on.

Love. Loving without condition brings joy that will lead to inner peace and contentment. Through the years, I have learned to take special care of my relationships with others, as well as my relationship with myself.

Time for me. Taking 30 minutes out of every day to do something nice for myself is essential. When I don't take this time, I find myself feeling resentful and tired.

Deal with anxiety immediately. When I start to feel anxiety it is important to take a few minutes to be quiet and be still, just relax and let the calm feeling back in.

Be authentic. In the past, I spent time trying to please others and essentially trying to be something that I was not. To have inner peace, it is imperative that I accept myself as I am and not try to impress others, put on airs, or generally be anything other than me.

Laugh. Although laughter doesn't solve life's problems, it always brings me a much needed reprieve from the drudgery. It's essential to a peaceful, joyful life because it helps counteract the difficulty of life's troubles.

Practice gratitude. We hear this often, but many never actually take the time to make a gratitude list. When I make a conscious effort to be grateful for all I have, it helps me gain a feeling of inner contentment.

Live in today. Few things can rob me of my inner peace faster than fretting over something I did or didn't do yesterday, or something I have to do tomorrow. If I live only in today, I have more focus and energy for the task at hand.

Stay out of the business of others. I can literally feel my level of inner peace decreasing when I start to get into the affairs of others. Regular reminders to myself that I need to run my own life and let others do the same are helpful.

This is a long list, and it's important to note that I didn't start living by these principles all at once. It has taken me many years to reach the goal of inner peace, but now that I know what it feels like, I'll never go back to the chaos.